Fanfic WIP Snippet

[tpena19]

snagged from strangevisitor7

Post a single sentence from each WIP you have (or as many as you want to pick). No context, no explanations. No more than one sentence.

I only have one WIP, and it's my first real fanfic attempt (wrote part of an original story years ago, I'll have to try and finish it too), so I'll post a few sentences.

1) Taken as a whole, it is more than obvious one of the reasons why this man is god chosen - he is simply breathtaking, even when sick and hurt, and not physically at his best. Denai can only imagine the beauty the young man must glow with when healthy. Yet for of all that, beauty is not enough to be a god's chosen. Denai has seen many a desirable person in his life, but this is the first god chosen seen by any in ages. There must be much more to this man than good looks. (all re:Ezra, and Denai is an OMC)

So what do ya think? Be brutal, but not cruel!!

Comments

[ms-artisan.livejournal.com]

Go for it! All WIPs deserve a chance at real life. ;)

[tpena19.livejournal.com]

LOL, ok I'll keep working on it, but slowly cause it's trimester end here and that means grading! arg.

[mithril-56.livejournal.com]

I'll give my fb, but it's going to be limited to structure and not content because I don't know what Ezra is, though I assume it's a character from a television show.

Only one thing stands out as awkward in this paragraph, and that's the use of the term 'god chosen' or 'god's chosen'. First, I'm not sure if the two things are meant to be different (i.e. the former might be a noun, as in 'god-chosen', while the latter might be a subject/verb pairing. The first use is particularly difficult for me to categorize; should it be 'a god-chosen', 'god-chosen' or 'god's chosen' instead of 'god chosen'? Second, some version of this phrase is used three times in the paragraph, and that will always end up sounding a bit redundant. Often, after one reference in a paragraph, especially to a noun or noun phrase, something else like a pronoun can be used thereafter (as long as it's in close proximity to the original word/phrase).

What does OMC stand for? I assume the OC is for Original Character, but am not sure of the M. My one comment here, without knowing anything about the subject matter, is to be careful with original characters. If they play a central, major or pivotal role, many people will view it in a Mary Sue sort of light.

Also, you lose some of the benefit that fanfic has built into it - a strong knowledge of the characters and their behavior by the fanbase. Adding an unknown character takes some of that away, and often means your story has to be better than most to get the readers over the hump of dealing with an unknown quantity.

From the sound of the paragraph Denai is the narrator or POV for the story, yes? It has a formal sound structure, which is perhaps unique to either Denai or to Ezra - no way for me to tell that given my lack of background.

Your punctuation and grammar is very good - so kudos to you on that. Some of the best fanfic writers I've seen have horrendous skills in the area of punctuation! Your sentences are rich but do not run on, which is difficult to do.

Good job, and best of luck with your first fic!

[tpena19.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the awesome feedback, much appreciated.

Yes, Ezra is from a tv show, the story is set in a modern times Magnificent 7 AU. Great point about the god-chosen thing, I will work that out.

OMC = Original Male Character, he's not in it for too long (just the later beginning) but he does play an important role in getting other characters to see things in a new light. so I will work extra hard not to create a mary sue-ish persona.

Yes, it was in his pov, and the formal structure was on purpose due to his culture.

And once again, thanks!

[winks7985.livejournal.com]

keep going girl... i want to read it. i want to know who this denai is... what universe is this in?

*bounce bounce* excited for new fic

[tpena19.livejournal.com]

I'll keep on it, but it is looking to be long, and I have less time this month so a long wait, sorry!

It is set in a Mag7 modern times AU (may just create a new one, or tweak an existing, dunno yet).

Ok, Denai info: original male character, pacific island native (will create tribe/people so I don't unintentionally upset anyone, lol), one of the warrior trained "caste" who hunts/fishes in daily life when they are not at war, a young man in late 20s(?), related to the tribe's healer/shaman so he knows more of how to help out there and that's how he meets Ezra (cause of course Ez is hurt, lol).

[ex-egorstan.livejournal.com]

I need to read more :) It's very hard to judge a story by only reading a paragraph .... take that as a hint for more *wide grin of anticipation*

I'm curious as to who Denai, and the use of god chosen. Need to know more!

[tpena19.livejournal.com]

Ok, I will write more. You all have convinced me.

I'm going to work on fleshing the storyline and character backgrounds out some more since there is a lot of original thought and some crossover elements, and I want to be solid and know what I'm talking about, lol.

Hints: Denai is an OMC, pacific islander warrior/hunter(made up island and people), they worship shark gods and lava gods/etc., so there was an "accident" and Ez went overboard...

[siluria]

Are you going for an original AU or a crossover?? Either way I'm not fussy :) I like the premise and it's quite a teaser. It gives a lot of questions - what time frame, how did Ezra get hurt, what about the others, what's wanted of him?

First fics are always the hardest, you're learning how to construct a story, what words and tone to use, whether you have the characters right or not. Even when you find your style (and recognise it, which can take some time), you end up setting your standards higher each time.

What I've learnt through trial and error is to know what it is you want to write from start to finish, because when writer's block hits - which it will unfortunately - the only thing that might help you get going again is knowing what scenes you need to write. And it's a lot easier if you know your characters and how they'll react to the situations you're going to drop them in. The writing style comes with practice and people giving you pointers on what works or not. They say you can't be a writer unless you read, so if you get tips on what works or not from the things you enjoy reading you'll do just fine :)

[tpena19.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I think it's going to be both an original Mag7 AU and a crossover with another tv show (secret, but ya might be able to guess it). Some good questions I'll try and make sure to answer in the fic, :)

Yeah I am working on an outline/timeline and backgrounds now, and some research, so I don't sound totally out there on some stuff.

And lol, I ought to be set pretty well, since I read like crazy!!

[siluria]

I think with that, you're approaching it really well and I'm sure you'll do just fine :)

[tpena19.livejournal.com]

thanks.