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Title: The Christmas Ride or How Chris Larabee Came to Have a Personal Grudge Against St. Nick
Author: tpena19, Tiffany, It's Me (duh)
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven: Old West
Characters: Buck, Chris, Ezra, JD, Josiah, Nathan, Vin, and reindeer.
Rating: PG-15, Gen (no pairings)
Disclaimer: I make no money and no copyright infringement is intended, the Mag7 boys belong to MGM, Mirisch and Trilogy. Santa owns the reindeer.
Word Count: 12,325 (for whole post), 11,940 (for just the story)
Warnings: Some cussin' (it's a crazy situation, excuse the boys)
Spoilers: Set in nonspecific OW time line, spoilers for basic understanding of Mag7 (and fanon characteristics).
Author's Notes: Random Christmas Crack!Fic dedicated to Pez Girl. No actual reindeer were hurt in the making of this fic.
A/N 2: Oh, wow! Many thanks to whoever nominated this story for a 2009 Ezzie Award, thanks bunches for liking the story that much. I greatly appreciate it.
Beta:
jojosimco Now with new beta-y goodness. Thank you, JoJo!
Summary: The boys are stranded up a mountain on Christmas night without a way back home...or are they?

from part 1 : Chris: *curbing the desire to swat JD like a bug, right upside the head, takes the sparkly red-and-white note from Josiah, and reads it, then just as quickly wishes he never had*...this a joke?
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Buck: *tired of trying to skim the note over Chris's shoulder, grabs it and reads aloud, snagging the attention of the rest of the seven not in the know as each of their names is mentioned*
Dear Josiah, Christopher, Bucklin, Nathan, Ezra, Vincent, and John Daniel,
I must apologize for the naughty trick my fine, yet mischievous steeds played upon your persons, and verily upon your own distinguished ponies. -
Buck: The fuck you say, I don't ride no damn pony, now JD on the other hand...
JD: Buck! Spot isn't a pony, I wish you'd stop calling her that, you're going to confuse her or something.
Chris: JD, shut up. Buck, just read the damn letter if you're reading it.
They always get a little rambunctious after their big chore is finished, adrenaline you know, usually they just bother the elves, and chase the Missus around the toy shop, and sometimes-
Ezra: You have got to be joking. Elves? Toy Shop? And I suppose we're to think the mysterious 'Missus' is Mrs. Claus, and the 'big chore' is delivering presents around the world? Hah!
Josiah: Now doubting Thomas, just keep listening.
Buck: You two about done now? Can I go on?
Chris: Buck...
Ahem, and sometimes they even like to go off into the world and sow their wild oats.
Buck: Well, damn, now these are my kind of reindeer. Way to go boys!
Chris: Buck...
Right, uh, sow their wild oats. But on rare occasions, like when we make it through the Bermuda Triangle unscathed -
Vin: What's a Buhmudah Triangle, and why's it such a big deal?
Nathan: Bermuda Triangle, and I have no idea, but maths can be scary. Now hush.
or if we manage a miraculous perfect flight with not a single present lost overboard -
JD: Hey! I wonder if that's what happened? My present musta went overboard.
Ezra: What? This year?
JD: Nah, when I was little. Don't be silly, Ez, you can't ask Santa for a physical present after you grow up, you have to start asking for the hard stuff then. Like patience and love, or time with your family, or something.
Ezra: And you always get what you ask for?
JD: Pretty much.
Nathan: Did you ask Santa for anything this year?
JD: Uh...oops?
Chris: Son of a Bitch.
Josiah: Now, Chris, the boy meant well, and it's not like anything bad has happened during our 'family time'. In fact, I'd say we've learned a lot and had some fun times.
Nathan: Speak for yourself, Josiah.
Vin: Well, don't go insulting intelligent animals and they won't bite your ass.
Nathan: How was I to know they were intelligent?! They look like reindeer, what am I saying, they ARE reindeer, but I haven't seen one shred of proof that they are Santa's flying, sled-pulling, north-pole living reindeer, and besides Santa isn't even real.
Chris: Hush, JD. Buck, read the damn letter.
or if, as in this year's case, we have a close call with a calculating and devious storm, the boys like to go out and live a little. Play minor pranks, try to outdo each other, you know how boys can be. -
Ezra: Shouldn't that be "you know how deer can be?" and I don't, thank you very much, and I'm long past thinking that I might want to know either.
Chris: Ezra, shut the hell up. Buck, read the goddamned letter and if you stop again I swear I will shoot you in the ass. Nathan, not a word.
Uh, where was I...*sound of gun cocking* oh, right there! Ahem, I'm afraid this year's storm was rather violent, and the boys are a little too happy to be alive, so their pranks got a bit out of hand. They never meant to cause any harm, freeing and spooking the horses like that, see they forget that not all four-footed creatures have the delightful ability of flight, and could get hurt running through the snow at night. That forgetfulness also means that they weren't thinking of any of you either and how you would get home without rides. Don't worry about your horses, young men, I have had them brought home to their stalls and taken care of, and left them with their very own Christmas presents even. Now my reindeer have to pay for their crime, malicious though they were not, caused harm they did, and thus I sentence them to be your replacement steeds for the duration of the evening. Go ahead and choose a steed, but take your time and make sure you're compatible with your new ride, they aren't tame reindeer after all. The eighth reindeer will go along with you, act as time keeper and just-in-case spare. As it's still Christmas Day, their special magic is even more special, allowing you to travel as if time itself were standing still. So, hop on a back, and take a leisurely flight over the mountains, or through the woods if you prefer, and all the way home.
Mr. Kris Kringle AKA St. Nicholas AKA Santa Claus AKA Father Christmas
P.S. Ho Ho Ho, I almost forgot - the magic words are "up, up, and away"
*everyone looks over in astonishment as the eight previously land bound deer leap up, hooves seeming to dig into the very air, and trot around in a few circles, obviously showing off for the newbies, before they land once again*
Buck: *eyes near to bugging out in shock* Well, fuck me sideways.
Josiah: *with happy tears in his eyes* The Lord moves in mysterious and wondrous ways.
Nathan: *hyperventilating* ...not possible...
Vin: *crows with glee* Whoop!
Ezra: *is enchanted by the sight, but is already wondering how on earth, or sky I suppose, one wouldn't fall off, and what the chances were that one of the seven of them would break a bone, at the least* Not good odds.
Chris: *for once forgetting to glare, and even smiling a bit in giddy wonder* Son of a Bitch.
JD: *displays much animated bouncing as he darts around the now landed deer* You mean...we get to RIDE on Santa's reindeer?! Oh man, sweet! Which is which you think? *said deer now think young JD has been hit on the head a few times too many, as their names are clearly marked upon their halters*
Buck: *blinks, dragging his stare of disbelief from letter still clenched in his hands, to deer, to boy* Which is which what?
JD: *still bouncing and now petting random reindeer trying to get a 'feel' for one, he probably shoudn't have had all that coffee before they set off tonight* Reindeer, silly. I bet this one is Comet, doesn't he look like a Comet guys? Or maybe it's Dasher. Yeah, he looks like the biggest, I bet the biggest is Dasher! *turns his back to the tall deer to make a loud declaration of intent, too bad it's meaningless* I call first to ride Dasher!
Vin: *already on said deer* Too slow kid. *smirks over at Chris* Hey Cowboy, wanna go fer a ride?
Chris: *shoots glare of death level three, a mild one, at Vin* Hell no. And don't call me cowboy. And don't you dare fall off either. *trains glare of suspicion, level nine, at reindeer* Deer were made fer shootin' not fer flyin'.
JD: *whines* Ah man, Vin! Darn sneaky Texan. Well, I'm choosing one before Buck then, he'll probably break the poor thing's back. *throws a look at Buck's gut*
Buck: *stops eyeballing - halter says 'Vixen,' who's starting to get a little too friendly, and snaps a shocked look at JD, then down at his own stomach, nope still looked lean and muscled to him* Now, just what in the hell do you mean by that?!
JD: *turns to face another reindeer smirking to himself, now Buck will be way too distracted to pick a reindeer leaving him plenty of time to find his perfect match, too bad he forgot about the other five men with him also picking rides* Nothing, Buck. I didn't mean a thing.
Buck: *doesn't have time to respond to the less than honest sounding reply before Vixen's 'a little too friendly' moves on into 'near assault' categories, avoiding her takes all his concentration*
Vin: *slowly leading Dasher around using the reins and knee nudges, forgetting for the moment that his mount was probably as intelligent as some men he's known* Well, I've got my ride, come on and hurry up you slowpokes. I want to fly!
JD: *moving on to the next reindeer in the line* Don't rush me. I can't just pick one, they are all so amazing. I have to find the perfect one.
Vin: *shakes his head at the kid's enthusiasm before moving on to trying to hurry someone else* Josiah, you have one all ready for you? A nice big sturdy fellow?
Josiah: * looks up from where he is slowly stroking a large, big-boned specimen's head* I think I do. Me and Blixem will get along just fine, won't we boy? Hey, Nate come say 'hi' to Blixem.
Nathan: *makes his way on over, eyeing the large, rotund deer with a healthy amount of respect, especially for the front end* Hi, Blixem. Huh, Josiah, you know what his name means by any chance? I get all the others pretty much, but not this one.
Vin: *looking up in curiosity* What are all the other's names? If I ever knew them I've forgotten.
Josiah: *scratches his head, then starts* Let's see there's Dasher, he's the tall one you're on Vin, and Dancer, the twitchy one who it looks like JD has taken a shine to over yonder, and Prancer, the one with his nose proudly in the air in the perfect set of bells - remind you of anyone? Heh, and then there's Vixen, she's the only female of the lot far as I know, one guess to where she is... *looks towards Buck and starts to chuckle*
Vin: *also glances over at Buck, who has his arms full of amorous female reindeer, and says with a snicker* Hey, Bucklin! Looks like you need to turn your animal magnetism down a few notches.
Buck: *only has time to shoot a short, very short, nasty glare Tanner's way before said animal once again demands his full attention*
Josiah: *scanning the clearing, he continues his recital* Next comes Comet, the mean lookin' one over by the tree bossin' poor Cupid and Prancer about. *swings his head back and forth, looking from the reindeer by the tree over to where Chris is standing glaring at Ezra, who has apparently once again said something to piss him off*
Nathan: *Smiles wide and laughs softly* Definitely reminds me of someone.
Vin: *watches Larabee and Standish go through the motions of a usual spat, a peculiar mix of sadness and amusement lighting his face* Poor Ez, that fool never knows when to keep his mouth shut. Always got to poke the ant hill, thing is, I think he enjoys himself most times. Heck, I know Chris would go plumb loco without Ezra around to let his frustrations out on every once in awhile. I guess ol' Ez is good at that, got lots of practice.
Josiah: *frowning at the sudden serious and slightly depressing turn the conversation has taken, steers it back to triviality and cheer* This here is Blixem, his name comes from the Dutch word meaning lightning. Who do we have next? Oof! *he rocks forward as a deer knocks into him from behind, Nathan's special friend if he's not mistaken, and going by Nathan's suddenly pale skin, no mean feat for a black man, he's not wrong* Well, so there you are Dunder. His name means 'thunder' in Dutch, doesn't it boy?
Nathan: *looks surprised* It does? Well, that's a good strong name. *gives Dunder a second look* Maybe you're not all that bad after all. *reaches out to pet the reindeer's nose, Dunder snorts snot all over his hand*
Vin: *nearly falls off Dasher he laughs so hard* Good one, Dunder.
Nathan: *looks at his contaminated hand with an ick-face, before crouching down, carefully out of immediate reach of ol' Dunder-head, to wipe it clean in the snow* I take it back. *Josiah joins Vin in laughter land, collapsing against Blixem when his legs don't want to hold him up any longer* And I can hear you two wheezing you know. It's not that funny. *at that both men stop even attempting to hide their amusement and bust out in great loud cackles and guffaws*
Chris : *turns to look at the two laughing hyena-men, feeling a smile form on his face, and a sympathy laugh try to work its way out as well, all traces of his former irritation and arguments gone* Wonder what has them so damn happy.
Ezra: *who was facing the three men, and has been watching them the whole time, knows exactly what was so funny, and has been hard pressed not to let loose a few chuckles himself, forgets about his current spat with the gunfighter as he explains the circumstances to Chris with a wide smile, gold tooth glinting briefly in the moonlight* Nathan's reindeer, which seems to be the same one that was so fond of his rear end earlier, snotted on his hand when he tried to pet it. I'm not sure what exactly was said before, but it was probably something like "nice reindeer," and then after I'm sure the gist was "stupid reindeer," and now it's "stupid idjits" directed at the two men cackling like loons next to him.
Chris: *manages to swing a full-out, dimple bearing grin as he listens to the snot tale, then laughs in genuine amusement as Ezra relates his 'interpretations' of the scene* We should head over there, join them. They get up to strange things when left unsupervised for too long.
Ezra: *raises a brow, and looks away from the spectacle that is their stoic Nathan daunted by quasi-livestock, to focus on Chris's smiling face* We go over there and we'll be coming back riding to a bell accompaniment. They've already got Buck and Nathan saddled, albeit more than a bit reluctantly for both, with new fleet-footed mounts.
Chris: *turns a long measuring look at the remaining reindeer* Maybe so, but I'm starting to freeze my ass off just standing out here. I can't feel my feet anymore, Ez. I'm giving in to the insanity to save my toes. I need them to keep my boots on. I like my boots. What do you say?
Ezra: *cracks another wide, gold tooth flashing grin at Chris's not quite exaggerated plea to save his extremities* You could always head on over there without me, you know.
Chris: *snaps his head around to look Ezra straight in the eyes, smile fading into the night, swallowed up by the most intense look of seriousness he possesses* There is no way that anything, in heaven or hell or in between, can get me over there with those lunatics by myself. Look at them for god's sake. *turns his head back around so he could once more see his men, his crack team of crime fighters; Vin was practically laying atop his deer, Josiah looked like he was riding a small, very fat barrel with antlers and legs, JD and his deer were bouncing - literally - around the clearing, Nathan was trying hard not to let his feet touch the ground while at the same time trying very hard to keep the rest of him from touching the snotting deer, and Buck - poor Buck - it looked like he was being ridden by his deer more than riding on it, it was like watching a train wreck, and he just couldn't seem to look away*
Ezra: *doesn't know whether to laugh at the absurdity or cry at the reality, after witnessing the same scenes* Ah, yes, I see your point. Very well, I shall accompany you over to join our brethren, and hopefully find acceptable mounts. And some sturdy rope. A LOT of very strong rope.
Chris: *doesn't even bother to hide his relief, shoulders relaxing and jaw loosening, he then slants a sideways look at the crafty conman as they start moving at a sedate pace towards the trees sheltering the only remaining unclaimed steeds* Why rope?
Ezra: *studying the three reindeer gathered near the tree line, and immediately discounting the larger, dark one glaring at them, states flatly* So you can tie me on.
JD: *guiding Dancer's latest hop so they land next to Buck* Hey, Buck look! Chris and Ezra are finally picking reindeer. Maybe we can hurry up and go flying now?
Buck: *finally sitting properly atop the nutzy Vixen, keeps his legs clenched and his hands wrapped tightly round the reins as he stares over, no way was he getting off this deer until he was home and could run and lock himself inside the saloon, Inez wouldn't mind, and he'd need all the alcohol he could drink after this night, he was sure of it* Thank Christ.
Josiah: *guides Blixem over to stand near JD and Buck, flicking a glance to his side as Nathan and Dunder arrive next, with Vin following close behind* Looks like our errant brothers are finally getting into the spirit of things.
Vin: *sends a frustrated glare Chris and Ezra's way* It's about god damn time. *watches as Chris chooses a mount and glares it into submission, climbing on up with no real problems, looks like Josiah and Nate were spot on there* Looks like Larabee chose Comet, just like you guys thought.
Nathan: *finally looks up from his snot spotting vigil* Really? Hah, I knew it. But what are they doing now? *he watches as Chris moves his deer over to where Ezra is standing in front of the last two reindeer and leans down to obviously listen to Ezra speak* Wonder what he's saying.
Buck: *squints at Chris, wondering just how, and maybe more importantly why, he seemed to be getting on so nicely with Standish, usually those two were like oil and water* Knowing Ez, he's probably complaining about the state of the blanket he has to sit on. *he watches as Chris sits up and starts shaking, a worried frown begins to form on his face, then he just barely realizes that Chris is laughing before the sounds begin to burst forth from deep in his chest, Ezra is obviously not amused, standing with his arms crossed, glaring at Larabee, and still talking apparently* Knew it couldn't last. Ez sure is saying a lot though.
JD: *eyes glued to the sight of Chris "The Bad Element" Larabee doubled over in laughter, gasping for air and clutching his stomach* Wonder what's so funny. Uh-oh. Looks like Ezra is a mite upset. *Standish unfolds his own arms and takes a swing at Larabee's head, barely missing, due only to Comet taking a fortuitous side step, Chris holds a hand up and tries to calm him down, while still laughing, not such a good combination* Should we go help?
Vin: *watching the show with a big grin and wishing he had a beer* Help who? Ez, or Chris? *Standish eventually finishes saying his piece and steps aside, as Chris turns his mount in their direction and leads one of the other reindeer over towards them, as he leaves, Ezra shouts after him - A LOT OF FUCKING ROPE!* Huh, now what is that all about?
Nathan: *fighting off a headache from constantly frowning down at Dunder-head the snotty reindeer, shifts his gaze over to Vin* Do we even have any rope? That wasn't in anyone's list of supplies.
Josiah: *equally as curious about Ezra's situation as his less sentimentally inclined brothers, but granted with infinitely more patience than most, he booms out a heartfelt greeting before one of them can jump straight into the questioning* Welcome back brother!
Chris: *newly arrived, gives Josiah a slightly cautious look, the man worries him sometimes* I never went anywhere, Josiah, that's kind of our whole problem.
Josiah: *despairs of ever impressing the importance of sentiment, philosophy, and elucidation upon his less cultured brothers, though he'd thought Chris was coming along nicely before, must be the cold effecting his brain* Not physically, you didn't, not physically. Now, tell us about our black sheep, why's he still standing over there, instead of being in the saddle over here?
Chris: *suppresses another fit of laughter, he didn't think his lungs and stomach could take any more, as he shares with the rest of the boys* They're negotiating. Seems poor Cupid is a few - twenty, thirty? - cards short of a full deck, so Ez is stuck with Prancer. The evidently mercenary reindeer. The deer was holding out for 4 eggs, 10 mushrooms, and a full-body rub down, while Ezra absolutely refused to go above 3 eggs and a rub down, no mushrooms, as he doesn't know where to find any, when I left. They have a real interesting communication system going too, even more complicated than he's got with that nag of his, makes for mighty peculiar listening.
Vin: *nods, the laughter made sense now, he then quirks his head* And the rope?
Chris: *smirking* Seems Ezra is convinced the odds are stacked against all seven of us making it back to Four Corners by flying reindeer unharmed. He wants to stack the deck in his favor. Can't say I blame him.
JD: *looking just as confused as he felt* I don't get it. How could some old rope help him?
Buck: *huffs in annoyance, not at JD's naivete so much, he was used to that, but more at the whole situation in general, especially his quickly cramping fingers* Think about it, what do you use rope for?
JD: *still looking adorably, or maybe that's annoyingly, confused* To tie stuff? Ez wants to tie something to something else? Like what? All his stuff ran off with Chaucer, what's he got to tie down?
Ezra: *hoping his mother never learns that he was bested in negotiations by a mammal, replies* Myself, Mr. Dunne, only myself.
Chris: *jerks his reins in fright, causing Comet to jump to the side, which causes him to almost lose his seat* Jesus, Ezra, don't do that!
Ezra: *frowning in genuine consternation* I did nothing, Mr. Larabee. Misters Tanner and Sanchez were both aware of my approach and my presence, I was not unduly quiet, and though I spoke only as conversation necessitated it, it was in my usual tone and pitch, it is not my fault you were paying no attention to your surroundings and caught a fright.
Chris: *responds accordingly with a death glare, level eight* I wasn't afraid. Just startled a bit, maybe.
JD: *still trying to wrap his mind around the whole rope idea, distractedly queries* What's with all the 'Mr.' stuff Ez? You been calling us by our first name almost the whole day now.
Buck: *sending an amused smirk Ezra's way* The deer must have cleaned him out, he always gets pissy when he's irritated at hisself for not coming out on top.
Ezra: *choosing to ignore both JD and Buck, in order not to incriminate himself, turns to Chris* So, where's my rope?
Chris: *hasn't really stopped glaring at Standish, so he just cranks the level back up* You know there was no rope, Ezra, you were there for the listing of helpful supplies. What? Did you think I'd be able to magic it out of thin air? Yeah, and I can shit gold bricks too.
Ezra: *frowning at both the image and the tone, Larabee was still pissed off that he'd managed to make him visibly flinch* No, I was thinking that maybe you'd have collected a few suspenders.
Nathan: *frowning at the seeming selfishness* Why don't you use your own?
Ezra: *knows exactly what Nathan is thinking, but isn't in the mood to explain himself or to elucidate on just why his new, still stiff, garments are unsuited to twisty knot tying* My haberdashery is only of the finest quality and as such -
Buck: *truly doesn't care, he just wants to get moving, hopefully once in movement Vixen will straighten out, if not then he may become the night's first casualty, starts to shrug his coat off and down his arms without letting go of his death grip on the reins* Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up and you can use mine, so's long as you're fast and we can get the hell out of here soon.
Vin: *is, as usual, completely in tune with Ezra's planning and has already managed to remove his suspenders to hand over* You can use mine too, Ez.
Buck: *stops stripping as he jerks his head from the suspenders already in Ezra's hands to Vin and back again* God damn, boy, how the hell did you skin out of them suckers so fast?
Chris: *distracted from not brooding over his recent non scare, is, as always, ready and able to come up with the perfect Buck teasing opener* I would have figured you as a shoe in for the fastest man to strip down ribbon, Big Dog, guess I'd have figured wrong. Seems you're slowing down in your old age. *casts a long slow look over Vixen* Or maybe, your 'talents' have just taken a new turn.
Buck: *glares heatedly at Chris* Now them's fighting words there, Old Dog. Besides, I'm hampered by a serious problem here, I cain't let go! *is seriously afraid to release his hold on the affectionate reindeer even long enough to strip off his suspenders, let alone go after Chris like that comment deserved*
JD:*blurts out, interrupting the argument* Oh! Ropes to tie him on Prancer, I get it! *face paling as he truly realizes exactly why Ezra wants to be tied on, swallows* Oh, I get it. *turns first to Buck, sees he's back to trying to strip without moving his arms, and turn instead to Josiah* But we won't all need ropes, right? I mean this is safe, right?
Josiah: *turns, from also watching Buck, to face the worried looking young Easterner* I'm sure it's safe as houses, JD. After all, good old Saint Nick wouldn't be having us do anything too dangerous, and you have to remember these are intelligent reindeer, I'm sure they won't let you fall off. *it's probably a good thing that Josiah and the rest of the boys can't read reindeer minds at this point, as they'd all likely get straight off and start walking back home*
Vin: *from his position holding Vixen's head steady* You know Ez, kid, always hedging his bets.
Chris: *adds from where he's roughly yanking the reins away from Buck to hand to Vin* There ain't enough suspenders to tie us all to the flying critters JD, so just get over it. No one is going to fall off, tied on or not. *levels a glare that encompasses each man AND his reindeer*
Nathan: *looking slightly worried for Buck's safety from where he's now holding the man's coat as Chris strips him of his suspenders* We'll fly real low over large banks of snow at first, just in case.
JD: *frowning at the not so reassuring words, cants a look down at Dancer sounding pitiful* You won't let me fall, will you boy? *Dancer, one of the more empathetic of the deer, and feeling genuinely affectionate towards his rider, shakes his head and then sends a soulful look back at JD*
JD: *makes eye contact with Dancer, then nods decisively* Good enough for me. *looks up altogether re-energized for the coming ride, completely oblivious to the stares of disbelief aimed at him by most of the others* You guys ready to get started yet?
Nathan: *raises his brows at JD as he passes Buck his coat back* I'm ready. I think. *slants a cautious look down at the reindeer he's sat atop*
Josiah: *is, as always, inspired by the energies of youth* I too, am ready.
Buck: *glaring at Larabee, who is now practically hogtying Ezra to Prancer despite both their protests at the rough treatment, and adjusting his legs slightly while Vin has his ditzy steed under control, adds while he shrugs his clothes back on and starts buttoning up* I was ready ages ago. And now that someone, who shall remain nameless but has more than a bit of trouble with untying knots, has made me near freeze my god given talents off, just so they can have themselves chained to a flying reindeer, we can go.
Ezra: *gives up attempting to talk sense into Larabee and just sits still letting the man wrestle with the suspenders and irritable deer by himself, stares over at Buck, undecided if he's annoyed or proud that the man is stealing one of his catch phrases, decides to let it go as he is making use of the man's undergarment at the moment* As soon as Mr. Larabee has bested the terrible braces, I believe we can leave.
Chris: *yanks extra hard as he ties the last knot just for that comment, then muses to himself* And to think, there was a good patch of time tonight where I didn't want to shoot the mouthy little Banty, and was even thinking of him as the sane one, oh what strange times I'm stuck in when Ezra is the sane one. *glares Comet back into submission then climbs on top of the ornery creature* Let's go.
Vin: *passes Buck his reins, and then slouches over his deer to wait and see if Larabee will remember the magic words, or if soon he'll get a chance to rile him up some more*
Chris: *isn't real sure what exactly he's forgetting, but since he's still on the ground and not flying, he knows it's somethin' important, takes a quick glance around, to see everyone waiting for him to make the first move, without looking like they're waiting for him, well, except for JD he's flat out staring straight over, he shoots a dirty look down at Comet*
Nathan: *back to keeping a sharp eye on Dunder-head now that they will be taking off soon, well, he thinks they will be, glances over at Chris*
Ezra: *keeping his head down to hide the growing smirk, praises himself* Won that bet with myself, he doesn't have a clue what to do.
Josiah: *calm and steady, figures Chris is gathering himself for the ride ahead, either that or he forgot the words*
Buck: *having trouble with Vixen again, reaches out to knock the deer's head away from his leg yet again* Well?
Vin: *sees his chance to strike* Yeah, Chris - well?
Chris: *snarls over at the scrawny Texan* I hate you.
Ezra: *jumps at the chance to get in on the fun* Well, now, that isn't very mannerly of you, Chris. Vin was just being polite, waiting for you to lead us into yet another leg of our adventures together.
Vin: *sits back to enjoy the coming fireworks* Yeah, what he said.
Buck: *too distracted to realize just what he's putting his foot in* So, carry on fearless leader.
Chris: *leveling a black look at both Ezra and Buck* I hate you both too.
Josiah: *realizing that Chris has most likely forgot the words, or perhaps even the fact that he has to say special words, has the choice of giving his driven to the edge leader a helping hand or a shove over, guess which he picks* Does this mean you don't want to ride at the head of our family formation?
Chris: *shaking his head and giving them all dirty looks* No. Just, no. I hate you all. I hate the cold and the snow, the Judge for sending us out here, and that damn town for trying to practically lynch us. And I hate my bitching horse for abandoning me here with you lot. And I really, really hate Santa Claus.
JD: *looking sad* So, you aren't going to lead us?
Vin: *bursts out into loud laughter, and is soon joined by the others in the know, first Ezra then Josiah, Buck joins in though he isn't sure what exactly is so funny as Chris is looking mighty scary, JD looks on in bafflement, Nathan in a strange mix of approval at their cheer and reproach at their disrespect, and Chris looks like he's ready to commit murder before he closes his eyes and slumps*
Chris: *realizing that if he ever wants to make it home to warm his toes and sleep in a bed tonight he needs to suck it up and be a man, asks* So, how do you make the thing go again?
And so, they had many a grand adventure in the space of that one time-frozen night, most by accident, a few by design, but they eventually made it home, very early the next morning. After thirteen almost falls, seven actual falls - Ezra not amongst them, eight tree collisions, five pauses for puking and three for other bodily functions, and one river dunking, though that was just Cupid so maybe it doesn't really count, of course, the three who had to fetch him out would argue that it really, really does.
Author's Notes: Pictures snagged from many peoples around LJ & the web, and two pics by AlexiFallenAngel & Babsx129 at DA (thanks all). Original reindeer names taken from the early 1800s version of "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement Clarke Moore. Smoke signal info gathered mainly from wikipedia.
Well, that's the end (for now anyways, *cackles madly*). I'm sure I could have gone on for ages more, as the dang story just didn't want to come to an end. Hope you liked it.
Author: tpena19, Tiffany, It's Me (duh)
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven: Old West
Characters: Buck, Chris, Ezra, JD, Josiah, Nathan, Vin, and reindeer.
Rating: PG-15, Gen (no pairings)
Disclaimer: I make no money and no copyright infringement is intended, the Mag7 boys belong to MGM, Mirisch and Trilogy. Santa owns the reindeer.
Word Count: 12,325 (for whole post), 11,940 (for just the story)
Warnings: Some cussin' (it's a crazy situation, excuse the boys)
Spoilers: Set in nonspecific OW time line, spoilers for basic understanding of Mag7 (and fanon characteristics).
Author's Notes: Random Christmas Crack!Fic dedicated to Pez Girl. No actual reindeer were hurt in the making of this fic.
A/N 2: Oh, wow! Many thanks to whoever nominated this story for a 2009 Ezzie Award, thanks bunches for liking the story that much. I greatly appreciate it.
Beta:
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Summary: The boys are stranded up a mountain on Christmas night without a way back home...or are they?
from part 1 : Chris: *curbing the desire to swat JD like a bug, right upside the head, takes the sparkly red-and-white note from Josiah, and reads it, then just as quickly wishes he never had*...this a joke?
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Buck: *tired of trying to skim the note over Chris's shoulder, grabs it and reads aloud, snagging the attention of the rest of the seven not in the know as each of their names is mentioned*
Dear Josiah, Christopher, Bucklin, Nathan, Ezra, Vincent, and John Daniel,
I must apologize for the naughty trick my fine, yet mischievous steeds played upon your persons, and verily upon your own distinguished ponies. -
Buck: The fuck you say, I don't ride no damn pony, now JD on the other hand...
JD: Buck! Spot isn't a pony, I wish you'd stop calling her that, you're going to confuse her or something.
Chris: JD, shut up. Buck, just read the damn letter if you're reading it.
They always get a little rambunctious after their big chore is finished, adrenaline you know, usually they just bother the elves, and chase the Missus around the toy shop, and sometimes-
Ezra: You have got to be joking. Elves? Toy Shop? And I suppose we're to think the mysterious 'Missus' is Mrs. Claus, and the 'big chore' is delivering presents around the world? Hah!
Josiah: Now doubting Thomas, just keep listening.
Buck: You two about done now? Can I go on?
Chris: Buck...
Ahem, and sometimes they even like to go off into the world and sow their wild oats.
Buck: Well, damn, now these are my kind of reindeer. Way to go boys!
Chris: Buck...
Right, uh, sow their wild oats. But on rare occasions, like when we make it through the Bermuda Triangle unscathed -
Vin: What's a Buhmudah Triangle, and why's it such a big deal?
Nathan: Bermuda Triangle, and I have no idea, but maths can be scary. Now hush.
or if we manage a miraculous perfect flight with not a single present lost overboard -
JD: Hey! I wonder if that's what happened? My present musta went overboard.
Ezra: What? This year?
JD: Nah, when I was little. Don't be silly, Ez, you can't ask Santa for a physical present after you grow up, you have to start asking for the hard stuff then. Like patience and love, or time with your family, or something.
Ezra: And you always get what you ask for?
JD: Pretty much.
Nathan: Did you ask Santa for anything this year?
JD: Uh...oops?
Chris: Son of a Bitch.
Josiah: Now, Chris, the boy meant well, and it's not like anything bad has happened during our 'family time'. In fact, I'd say we've learned a lot and had some fun times.
Nathan: Speak for yourself, Josiah.
Vin: Well, don't go insulting intelligent animals and they won't bite your ass.
Nathan: How was I to know they were intelligent?! They look like reindeer, what am I saying, they ARE reindeer, but I haven't seen one shred of proof that they are Santa's flying, sled-pulling, north-pole living reindeer, and besides Santa isn't even real.
Chris: Hush, JD. Buck, read the damn letter.
or if, as in this year's case, we have a close call with a calculating and devious storm, the boys like to go out and live a little. Play minor pranks, try to outdo each other, you know how boys can be. -
Ezra: Shouldn't that be "you know how deer can be?" and I don't, thank you very much, and I'm long past thinking that I might want to know either.
Chris: Ezra, shut the hell up. Buck, read the goddamned letter and if you stop again I swear I will shoot you in the ass. Nathan, not a word.
Uh, where was I...*sound of gun cocking* oh, right there! Ahem, I'm afraid this year's storm was rather violent, and the boys are a little too happy to be alive, so their pranks got a bit out of hand. They never meant to cause any harm, freeing and spooking the horses like that, see they forget that not all four-footed creatures have the delightful ability of flight, and could get hurt running through the snow at night. That forgetfulness also means that they weren't thinking of any of you either and how you would get home without rides. Don't worry about your horses, young men, I have had them brought home to their stalls and taken care of, and left them with their very own Christmas presents even. Now my reindeer have to pay for their crime, malicious though they were not, caused harm they did, and thus I sentence them to be your replacement steeds for the duration of the evening. Go ahead and choose a steed, but take your time and make sure you're compatible with your new ride, they aren't tame reindeer after all. The eighth reindeer will go along with you, act as time keeper and just-in-case spare. As it's still Christmas Day, their special magic is even more special, allowing you to travel as if time itself were standing still. So, hop on a back, and take a leisurely flight over the mountains, or through the woods if you prefer, and all the way home.
Mr. Kris Kringle AKA St. Nicholas AKA Santa Claus AKA Father Christmas
P.S. Ho Ho Ho, I almost forgot - the magic words are "up, up, and away"
*everyone looks over in astonishment as the eight previously land bound deer leap up, hooves seeming to dig into the very air, and trot around in a few circles, obviously showing off for the newbies, before they land once again*
Buck: *eyes near to bugging out in shock* Well, fuck me sideways.
Josiah: *with happy tears in his eyes* The Lord moves in mysterious and wondrous ways.
Nathan: *hyperventilating* ...not possible...
Vin: *crows with glee* Whoop!
Ezra: *is enchanted by the sight, but is already wondering how on earth, or sky I suppose, one wouldn't fall off, and what the chances were that one of the seven of them would break a bone, at the least* Not good odds.
Chris: *for once forgetting to glare, and even smiling a bit in giddy wonder* Son of a Bitch.
JD: *displays much animated bouncing as he darts around the now landed deer* You mean...we get to RIDE on Santa's reindeer?! Oh man, sweet! Which is which you think? *said deer now think young JD has been hit on the head a few times too many, as their names are clearly marked upon their halters*
Buck: *blinks, dragging his stare of disbelief from letter still clenched in his hands, to deer, to boy* Which is which what?
JD: *still bouncing and now petting random reindeer trying to get a 'feel' for one, he probably shoudn't have had all that coffee before they set off tonight* Reindeer, silly. I bet this one is Comet, doesn't he look like a Comet guys? Or maybe it's Dasher. Yeah, he looks like the biggest, I bet the biggest is Dasher! *turns his back to the tall deer to make a loud declaration of intent, too bad it's meaningless* I call first to ride Dasher!
Vin: *already on said deer* Too slow kid. *smirks over at Chris* Hey Cowboy, wanna go fer a ride?
Chris: *shoots glare of death level three, a mild one, at Vin* Hell no. And don't call me cowboy. And don't you dare fall off either. *trains glare of suspicion, level nine, at reindeer* Deer were made fer shootin' not fer flyin'.
JD: *whines* Ah man, Vin! Darn sneaky Texan. Well, I'm choosing one before Buck then, he'll probably break the poor thing's back. *throws a look at Buck's gut*
Buck: *stops eyeballing - halter says 'Vixen,' who's starting to get a little too friendly, and snaps a shocked look at JD, then down at his own stomach, nope still looked lean and muscled to him* Now, just what in the hell do you mean by that?!
JD: *turns to face another reindeer smirking to himself, now Buck will be way too distracted to pick a reindeer leaving him plenty of time to find his perfect match, too bad he forgot about the other five men with him also picking rides* Nothing, Buck. I didn't mean a thing.
Buck: *doesn't have time to respond to the less than honest sounding reply before Vixen's 'a little too friendly' moves on into 'near assault' categories, avoiding her takes all his concentration*
Vin: *slowly leading Dasher around using the reins and knee nudges, forgetting for the moment that his mount was probably as intelligent as some men he's known* Well, I've got my ride, come on and hurry up you slowpokes. I want to fly!
JD: *moving on to the next reindeer in the line* Don't rush me. I can't just pick one, they are all so amazing. I have to find the perfect one.
Vin: *shakes his head at the kid's enthusiasm before moving on to trying to hurry someone else* Josiah, you have one all ready for you? A nice big sturdy fellow?
Josiah: * looks up from where he is slowly stroking a large, big-boned specimen's head* I think I do. Me and Blixem will get along just fine, won't we boy? Hey, Nate come say 'hi' to Blixem.
Nathan: *makes his way on over, eyeing the large, rotund deer with a healthy amount of respect, especially for the front end* Hi, Blixem. Huh, Josiah, you know what his name means by any chance? I get all the others pretty much, but not this one.
Vin: *looking up in curiosity* What are all the other's names? If I ever knew them I've forgotten.
Josiah: *scratches his head, then starts* Let's see there's Dasher, he's the tall one you're on Vin, and Dancer, the twitchy one who it looks like JD has taken a shine to over yonder, and Prancer, the one with his nose proudly in the air in the perfect set of bells - remind you of anyone? Heh, and then there's Vixen, she's the only female of the lot far as I know, one guess to where she is... *looks towards Buck and starts to chuckle*
Vin: *also glances over at Buck, who has his arms full of amorous female reindeer, and says with a snicker* Hey, Bucklin! Looks like you need to turn your animal magnetism down a few notches.
Buck: *only has time to shoot a short, very short, nasty glare Tanner's way before said animal once again demands his full attention*
Josiah: *scanning the clearing, he continues his recital* Next comes Comet, the mean lookin' one over by the tree bossin' poor Cupid and Prancer about. *swings his head back and forth, looking from the reindeer by the tree over to where Chris is standing glaring at Ezra, who has apparently once again said something to piss him off*
Nathan: *Smiles wide and laughs softly* Definitely reminds me of someone.
Vin: *watches Larabee and Standish go through the motions of a usual spat, a peculiar mix of sadness and amusement lighting his face* Poor Ez, that fool never knows when to keep his mouth shut. Always got to poke the ant hill, thing is, I think he enjoys himself most times. Heck, I know Chris would go plumb loco without Ezra around to let his frustrations out on every once in awhile. I guess ol' Ez is good at that, got lots of practice.
Josiah: *frowning at the sudden serious and slightly depressing turn the conversation has taken, steers it back to triviality and cheer* This here is Blixem, his name comes from the Dutch word meaning lightning. Who do we have next? Oof! *he rocks forward as a deer knocks into him from behind, Nathan's special friend if he's not mistaken, and going by Nathan's suddenly pale skin, no mean feat for a black man, he's not wrong* Well, so there you are Dunder. His name means 'thunder' in Dutch, doesn't it boy?
Nathan: *looks surprised* It does? Well, that's a good strong name. *gives Dunder a second look* Maybe you're not all that bad after all. *reaches out to pet the reindeer's nose, Dunder snorts snot all over his hand*
Vin: *nearly falls off Dasher he laughs so hard* Good one, Dunder.
Nathan: *looks at his contaminated hand with an ick-face, before crouching down, carefully out of immediate reach of ol' Dunder-head, to wipe it clean in the snow* I take it back. *Josiah joins Vin in laughter land, collapsing against Blixem when his legs don't want to hold him up any longer* And I can hear you two wheezing you know. It's not that funny. *at that both men stop even attempting to hide their amusement and bust out in great loud cackles and guffaws*
Chris : *turns to look at the two laughing hyena-men, feeling a smile form on his face, and a sympathy laugh try to work its way out as well, all traces of his former irritation and arguments gone* Wonder what has them so damn happy.
Ezra: *who was facing the three men, and has been watching them the whole time, knows exactly what was so funny, and has been hard pressed not to let loose a few chuckles himself, forgets about his current spat with the gunfighter as he explains the circumstances to Chris with a wide smile, gold tooth glinting briefly in the moonlight* Nathan's reindeer, which seems to be the same one that was so fond of his rear end earlier, snotted on his hand when he tried to pet it. I'm not sure what exactly was said before, but it was probably something like "nice reindeer," and then after I'm sure the gist was "stupid reindeer," and now it's "stupid idjits" directed at the two men cackling like loons next to him.
Chris: *manages to swing a full-out, dimple bearing grin as he listens to the snot tale, then laughs in genuine amusement as Ezra relates his 'interpretations' of the scene* We should head over there, join them. They get up to strange things when left unsupervised for too long.
Ezra: *raises a brow, and looks away from the spectacle that is their stoic Nathan daunted by quasi-livestock, to focus on Chris's smiling face* We go over there and we'll be coming back riding to a bell accompaniment. They've already got Buck and Nathan saddled, albeit more than a bit reluctantly for both, with new fleet-footed mounts.
Chris: *turns a long measuring look at the remaining reindeer* Maybe so, but I'm starting to freeze my ass off just standing out here. I can't feel my feet anymore, Ez. I'm giving in to the insanity to save my toes. I need them to keep my boots on. I like my boots. What do you say?
Ezra: *cracks another wide, gold tooth flashing grin at Chris's not quite exaggerated plea to save his extremities* You could always head on over there without me, you know.
Chris: *snaps his head around to look Ezra straight in the eyes, smile fading into the night, swallowed up by the most intense look of seriousness he possesses* There is no way that anything, in heaven or hell or in between, can get me over there with those lunatics by myself. Look at them for god's sake. *turns his head back around so he could once more see his men, his crack team of crime fighters; Vin was practically laying atop his deer, Josiah looked like he was riding a small, very fat barrel with antlers and legs, JD and his deer were bouncing - literally - around the clearing, Nathan was trying hard not to let his feet touch the ground while at the same time trying very hard to keep the rest of him from touching the snotting deer, and Buck - poor Buck - it looked like he was being ridden by his deer more than riding on it, it was like watching a train wreck, and he just couldn't seem to look away*
Ezra: *doesn't know whether to laugh at the absurdity or cry at the reality, after witnessing the same scenes* Ah, yes, I see your point. Very well, I shall accompany you over to join our brethren, and hopefully find acceptable mounts. And some sturdy rope. A LOT of very strong rope.
Chris: *doesn't even bother to hide his relief, shoulders relaxing and jaw loosening, he then slants a sideways look at the crafty conman as they start moving at a sedate pace towards the trees sheltering the only remaining unclaimed steeds* Why rope?
Ezra: *studying the three reindeer gathered near the tree line, and immediately discounting the larger, dark one glaring at them, states flatly* So you can tie me on.
JD: *guiding Dancer's latest hop so they land next to Buck* Hey, Buck look! Chris and Ezra are finally picking reindeer. Maybe we can hurry up and go flying now?
Buck: *finally sitting properly atop the nutzy Vixen, keeps his legs clenched and his hands wrapped tightly round the reins as he stares over, no way was he getting off this deer until he was home and could run and lock himself inside the saloon, Inez wouldn't mind, and he'd need all the alcohol he could drink after this night, he was sure of it* Thank Christ.
Josiah: *guides Blixem over to stand near JD and Buck, flicking a glance to his side as Nathan and Dunder arrive next, with Vin following close behind* Looks like our errant brothers are finally getting into the spirit of things.
Vin: *sends a frustrated glare Chris and Ezra's way* It's about god damn time. *watches as Chris chooses a mount and glares it into submission, climbing on up with no real problems, looks like Josiah and Nate were spot on there* Looks like Larabee chose Comet, just like you guys thought.
Nathan: *finally looks up from his snot spotting vigil* Really? Hah, I knew it. But what are they doing now? *he watches as Chris moves his deer over to where Ezra is standing in front of the last two reindeer and leans down to obviously listen to Ezra speak* Wonder what he's saying.
Buck: *squints at Chris, wondering just how, and maybe more importantly why, he seemed to be getting on so nicely with Standish, usually those two were like oil and water* Knowing Ez, he's probably complaining about the state of the blanket he has to sit on. *he watches as Chris sits up and starts shaking, a worried frown begins to form on his face, then he just barely realizes that Chris is laughing before the sounds begin to burst forth from deep in his chest, Ezra is obviously not amused, standing with his arms crossed, glaring at Larabee, and still talking apparently* Knew it couldn't last. Ez sure is saying a lot though.
JD: *eyes glued to the sight of Chris "The Bad Element" Larabee doubled over in laughter, gasping for air and clutching his stomach* Wonder what's so funny. Uh-oh. Looks like Ezra is a mite upset. *Standish unfolds his own arms and takes a swing at Larabee's head, barely missing, due only to Comet taking a fortuitous side step, Chris holds a hand up and tries to calm him down, while still laughing, not such a good combination* Should we go help?
Vin: *watching the show with a big grin and wishing he had a beer* Help who? Ez, or Chris? *Standish eventually finishes saying his piece and steps aside, as Chris turns his mount in their direction and leads one of the other reindeer over towards them, as he leaves, Ezra shouts after him - A LOT OF FUCKING ROPE!* Huh, now what is that all about?
Nathan: *fighting off a headache from constantly frowning down at Dunder-head the snotty reindeer, shifts his gaze over to Vin* Do we even have any rope? That wasn't in anyone's list of supplies.
Josiah: *equally as curious about Ezra's situation as his less sentimentally inclined brothers, but granted with infinitely more patience than most, he booms out a heartfelt greeting before one of them can jump straight into the questioning* Welcome back brother!
Chris: *newly arrived, gives Josiah a slightly cautious look, the man worries him sometimes* I never went anywhere, Josiah, that's kind of our whole problem.
Josiah: *despairs of ever impressing the importance of sentiment, philosophy, and elucidation upon his less cultured brothers, though he'd thought Chris was coming along nicely before, must be the cold effecting his brain* Not physically, you didn't, not physically. Now, tell us about our black sheep, why's he still standing over there, instead of being in the saddle over here?
Chris: *suppresses another fit of laughter, he didn't think his lungs and stomach could take any more, as he shares with the rest of the boys* They're negotiating. Seems poor Cupid is a few - twenty, thirty? - cards short of a full deck, so Ez is stuck with Prancer. The evidently mercenary reindeer. The deer was holding out for 4 eggs, 10 mushrooms, and a full-body rub down, while Ezra absolutely refused to go above 3 eggs and a rub down, no mushrooms, as he doesn't know where to find any, when I left. They have a real interesting communication system going too, even more complicated than he's got with that nag of his, makes for mighty peculiar listening.
Vin: *nods, the laughter made sense now, he then quirks his head* And the rope?
Chris: *smirking* Seems Ezra is convinced the odds are stacked against all seven of us making it back to Four Corners by flying reindeer unharmed. He wants to stack the deck in his favor. Can't say I blame him.
JD: *looking just as confused as he felt* I don't get it. How could some old rope help him?
Buck: *huffs in annoyance, not at JD's naivete so much, he was used to that, but more at the whole situation in general, especially his quickly cramping fingers* Think about it, what do you use rope for?
JD: *still looking adorably, or maybe that's annoyingly, confused* To tie stuff? Ez wants to tie something to something else? Like what? All his stuff ran off with Chaucer, what's he got to tie down?
Ezra: *hoping his mother never learns that he was bested in negotiations by a mammal, replies* Myself, Mr. Dunne, only myself.
Chris: *jerks his reins in fright, causing Comet to jump to the side, which causes him to almost lose his seat* Jesus, Ezra, don't do that!
Ezra: *frowning in genuine consternation* I did nothing, Mr. Larabee. Misters Tanner and Sanchez were both aware of my approach and my presence, I was not unduly quiet, and though I spoke only as conversation necessitated it, it was in my usual tone and pitch, it is not my fault you were paying no attention to your surroundings and caught a fright.
Chris: *responds accordingly with a death glare, level eight* I wasn't afraid. Just startled a bit, maybe.
JD: *still trying to wrap his mind around the whole rope idea, distractedly queries* What's with all the 'Mr.' stuff Ez? You been calling us by our first name almost the whole day now.
Buck: *sending an amused smirk Ezra's way* The deer must have cleaned him out, he always gets pissy when he's irritated at hisself for not coming out on top.
Ezra: *choosing to ignore both JD and Buck, in order not to incriminate himself, turns to Chris* So, where's my rope?
Chris: *hasn't really stopped glaring at Standish, so he just cranks the level back up* You know there was no rope, Ezra, you were there for the listing of helpful supplies. What? Did you think I'd be able to magic it out of thin air? Yeah, and I can shit gold bricks too.
Ezra: *frowning at both the image and the tone, Larabee was still pissed off that he'd managed to make him visibly flinch* No, I was thinking that maybe you'd have collected a few suspenders.
Nathan: *frowning at the seeming selfishness* Why don't you use your own?
Ezra: *knows exactly what Nathan is thinking, but isn't in the mood to explain himself or to elucidate on just why his new, still stiff, garments are unsuited to twisty knot tying* My haberdashery is only of the finest quality and as such -
Buck: *truly doesn't care, he just wants to get moving, hopefully once in movement Vixen will straighten out, if not then he may become the night's first casualty, starts to shrug his coat off and down his arms without letting go of his death grip on the reins* Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up and you can use mine, so's long as you're fast and we can get the hell out of here soon.
Vin: *is, as usual, completely in tune with Ezra's planning and has already managed to remove his suspenders to hand over* You can use mine too, Ez.
Buck: *stops stripping as he jerks his head from the suspenders already in Ezra's hands to Vin and back again* God damn, boy, how the hell did you skin out of them suckers so fast?
Chris: *distracted from not brooding over his recent non scare, is, as always, ready and able to come up with the perfect Buck teasing opener* I would have figured you as a shoe in for the fastest man to strip down ribbon, Big Dog, guess I'd have figured wrong. Seems you're slowing down in your old age. *casts a long slow look over Vixen* Or maybe, your 'talents' have just taken a new turn.
Buck: *glares heatedly at Chris* Now them's fighting words there, Old Dog. Besides, I'm hampered by a serious problem here, I cain't let go! *is seriously afraid to release his hold on the affectionate reindeer even long enough to strip off his suspenders, let alone go after Chris like that comment deserved*
JD:*blurts out, interrupting the argument* Oh! Ropes to tie him on Prancer, I get it! *face paling as he truly realizes exactly why Ezra wants to be tied on, swallows* Oh, I get it. *turns first to Buck, sees he's back to trying to strip without moving his arms, and turn instead to Josiah* But we won't all need ropes, right? I mean this is safe, right?
Josiah: *turns, from also watching Buck, to face the worried looking young Easterner* I'm sure it's safe as houses, JD. After all, good old Saint Nick wouldn't be having us do anything too dangerous, and you have to remember these are intelligent reindeer, I'm sure they won't let you fall off. *it's probably a good thing that Josiah and the rest of the boys can't read reindeer minds at this point, as they'd all likely get straight off and start walking back home*
Vin: *from his position holding Vixen's head steady* You know Ez, kid, always hedging his bets.
Chris: *adds from where he's roughly yanking the reins away from Buck to hand to Vin* There ain't enough suspenders to tie us all to the flying critters JD, so just get over it. No one is going to fall off, tied on or not. *levels a glare that encompasses each man AND his reindeer*
Nathan: *looking slightly worried for Buck's safety from where he's now holding the man's coat as Chris strips him of his suspenders* We'll fly real low over large banks of snow at first, just in case.
JD: *frowning at the not so reassuring words, cants a look down at Dancer sounding pitiful* You won't let me fall, will you boy? *Dancer, one of the more empathetic of the deer, and feeling genuinely affectionate towards his rider, shakes his head and then sends a soulful look back at JD*
JD: *makes eye contact with Dancer, then nods decisively* Good enough for me. *looks up altogether re-energized for the coming ride, completely oblivious to the stares of disbelief aimed at him by most of the others* You guys ready to get started yet?
Nathan: *raises his brows at JD as he passes Buck his coat back* I'm ready. I think. *slants a cautious look down at the reindeer he's sat atop*
Josiah: *is, as always, inspired by the energies of youth* I too, am ready.
Buck: *glaring at Larabee, who is now practically hogtying Ezra to Prancer despite both their protests at the rough treatment, and adjusting his legs slightly while Vin has his ditzy steed under control, adds while he shrugs his clothes back on and starts buttoning up* I was ready ages ago. And now that someone, who shall remain nameless but has more than a bit of trouble with untying knots, has made me near freeze my god given talents off, just so they can have themselves chained to a flying reindeer, we can go.
Ezra: *gives up attempting to talk sense into Larabee and just sits still letting the man wrestle with the suspenders and irritable deer by himself, stares over at Buck, undecided if he's annoyed or proud that the man is stealing one of his catch phrases, decides to let it go as he is making use of the man's undergarment at the moment* As soon as Mr. Larabee has bested the terrible braces, I believe we can leave.
Chris: *yanks extra hard as he ties the last knot just for that comment, then muses to himself* And to think, there was a good patch of time tonight where I didn't want to shoot the mouthy little Banty, and was even thinking of him as the sane one, oh what strange times I'm stuck in when Ezra is the sane one. *glares Comet back into submission then climbs on top of the ornery creature* Let's go.
Vin: *passes Buck his reins, and then slouches over his deer to wait and see if Larabee will remember the magic words, or if soon he'll get a chance to rile him up some more*
Chris: *isn't real sure what exactly he's forgetting, but since he's still on the ground and not flying, he knows it's somethin' important, takes a quick glance around, to see everyone waiting for him to make the first move, without looking like they're waiting for him, well, except for JD he's flat out staring straight over, he shoots a dirty look down at Comet*
Nathan: *back to keeping a sharp eye on Dunder-head now that they will be taking off soon, well, he thinks they will be, glances over at Chris*
Ezra: *keeping his head down to hide the growing smirk, praises himself* Won that bet with myself, he doesn't have a clue what to do.
Josiah: *calm and steady, figures Chris is gathering himself for the ride ahead, either that or he forgot the words*
Buck: *having trouble with Vixen again, reaches out to knock the deer's head away from his leg yet again* Well?
Vin: *sees his chance to strike* Yeah, Chris - well?
Chris: *snarls over at the scrawny Texan* I hate you.
Ezra: *jumps at the chance to get in on the fun* Well, now, that isn't very mannerly of you, Chris. Vin was just being polite, waiting for you to lead us into yet another leg of our adventures together.
Vin: *sits back to enjoy the coming fireworks* Yeah, what he said.
Buck: *too distracted to realize just what he's putting his foot in* So, carry on fearless leader.
Chris: *leveling a black look at both Ezra and Buck* I hate you both too.
Josiah: *realizing that Chris has most likely forgot the words, or perhaps even the fact that he has to say special words, has the choice of giving his driven to the edge leader a helping hand or a shove over, guess which he picks* Does this mean you don't want to ride at the head of our family formation?
Chris: *shaking his head and giving them all dirty looks* No. Just, no. I hate you all. I hate the cold and the snow, the Judge for sending us out here, and that damn town for trying to practically lynch us. And I hate my bitching horse for abandoning me here with you lot. And I really, really hate Santa Claus.
JD: *looking sad* So, you aren't going to lead us?
Vin: *bursts out into loud laughter, and is soon joined by the others in the know, first Ezra then Josiah, Buck joins in though he isn't sure what exactly is so funny as Chris is looking mighty scary, JD looks on in bafflement, Nathan in a strange mix of approval at their cheer and reproach at their disrespect, and Chris looks like he's ready to commit murder before he closes his eyes and slumps*
Chris: *realizing that if he ever wants to make it home to warm his toes and sleep in a bed tonight he needs to suck it up and be a man, asks* So, how do you make the thing go again?
And so, they had many a grand adventure in the space of that one time-frozen night, most by accident, a few by design, but they eventually made it home, very early the next morning. After thirteen almost falls, seven actual falls - Ezra not amongst them, eight tree collisions, five pauses for puking and three for other bodily functions, and one river dunking, though that was just Cupid so maybe it doesn't really count, of course, the three who had to fetch him out would argue that it really, really does.
Author's Notes: Pictures snagged from many peoples around LJ & the web, and two pics by AlexiFallenAngel & Babsx129 at DA (thanks all). Original reindeer names taken from the early 1800s version of "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement Clarke Moore. Smoke signal info gathered mainly from wikipedia.
Well, that's the end (for now anyways, *cackles madly*). I'm sure I could have gone on for ages more, as the dang story just didn't want to come to an end. Hope you liked it.
Re: yay!
Date: 2009-12-26 05:37 am (UTC)Re: yay!
Date: 2009-12-26 07:39 am (UTC)